


Does Anybody Have a Map?

by orphan_account



Series: After the Rain [4]
Category: The Dark Crystal (1982), The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Minor Angst, Ordon(mentioned), minor daddy issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 14:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21283328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When a newborn Jen can't stop crying in the middle of the night, Rian takes his son on a walkabout to try and calm him back to sleep. As he paces the house with his son, Rian grapples with memories of his father and confronts his own insecurities about parenthood.Domestic fluff with just a touch of angst. ;)
Relationships: Deet/Rian (Dark Crystal)
Series: After the Rain [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1527956
Comments: 16
Kudos: 57





	Does Anybody Have a Map?

**Author's Note:**

> Because apparently all I can write these days is stonegrot being parents and such. Title is from a DEH song bc I'm musical trash. 
> 
> Onwards to fluff! :)

Rian stirred in bed as he was awoken by another shrill cry. His son was awake again, so he and Deet were too. He felt the mattress shake as Deet heaved herself out of bed with a tired groan to tend to the childling’s cries. Their little son, Jen would be 10 days old tomorrow...er-today actually. Though it never really felt like tomorrow to Rian until the first sun rose. It wasn't unusual these days for he and Deet to see the three brothers crest the horizon without even having slept at all. Gurjin had made fun of Rian the other day for nodding off mid conversation. Rian had simply rolled his eyes and told him to wait until he had a little one of his own: then he’d know. Of course, Rian had never expected that caring for a new childling would be easy, but he hadn’t been prepared for just how challenging it actually was. Jen was proving to be fussy even for a newborn, and awoke during the night almost every hour like clockwork. He was usually hungry or wet, though there were times when nothing was apparently amiss yet he would cry his little lungs out just the same. Now seemed to be one of those times as Jen's cries persisted, piercing the air like knives. Rian sat up in bed with a yawn and looked over to see Deet bouncing their wailing son on her shoulder, trying her best to shush him.

Rian rubbed his face with both hands, trying to work the sleep out of himself, “Deet? What’s going on, why's he upset this time?”

“I'm not sure...” said Deet, hiking Jen higher up on her shoulder, “he wasn’t hungry and he’s not wet. I don’t think he’s gassy either...maybe he had a nightmare?”

“Do they have nightmares that young?”

“...Maybe? I think I read it in one of those books...I can’t remember.” She yawned and put a tired hand to her forehead. Poor Deet. As little sleep as Rian was getting she was getting far less since, by nature, she had to be the one to feed their son when he was hungry. And as with all things, Jen was a bit of a fussy eater too. Deet's dark circles had dark circles and she looked like she might nod at off any second as she she started to pace the floor with Jen.

Rian felt a pang in his core. He hated to see her so worn down. He threw the blanket off of himself and rose from bed. “Give him here. I'll take this watch.”

“You're sure?”

He nodded, “Yes, you try and get some sleep. I’ll handle him.”

She passed their son over to Rian with a little noise of gratitude before she slipping back into bed with another yawn. Rian adjusted Jen on his shoulder and stepped out of their bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

Jen’s wails were shrill in Rian’s ears as he paced the house back-and-forth, bouncing his son over his shoulder. Sometimes when Jen got worked up into fits like this it helped to walk him around the house. Maudra Argot had assured them that it was fine to let him alone to cry it out when he got like this, but... that didn’t sit right with Rian. It felt wrong to leave his son alone to cry when his father was there, and he could at least try to help. No, Rian decided, Jen shouldn’t have to cry alone. He clutched his son a little tighter.

However... Rian thought, It would be helpful if he had any idea what he was doing. Deet was much better at soothing Jen’s fussiness than he. Her transition into motherhood was almost seamless, which was a little surprising considering that she obviously had the more difficult and physically demanding job between the two of them. But then, he smiled, this was Deet after all. His own gentle Deet who loved nothing better than to care for other creatures, of course being a mother would come naturally to her.

As for Rian’s own transition to parenthood, well...as he wandered the house he felt like he might as well be lost in the woods without a lantern. He had no idea which way was up, or where to turn- and it wasn't as if new childlings came with maps either. Oh he’d read the books yes, But nothing could have ever prepared him for the real thing: for the warm, squirmy little bundle; helpless and completely dependent on him and Deet. It had taken him a while to get completely comfortable holding Jen. He was so small and fragile-looking that Rian worried he might break him. And when they first put Jen to sleep in the bassinet, Rian had to fight the urge to check on him every few minutes to make sure he was still breathing. Of course his son was perfectly healthy and Rian knew that there was no good reason for such anxiety... but he couldn’t help it. This was an uncharted territory for him, and he was floundering as he tried his best to navigate it.

As he paced, Rian wondered if his own father had ever done this for him. He’d heard the old wive’s tale that new parents were paid back by their childings for the mischief they’d put their own parents through. Rian gulped, if that was true then he was certainly in for it. He’d been absolutely wild and driven his father insane when he was a childling... to be fair though, he also did that as an adult. But then, maybe he did have a saving grace, and that was Jen’s mother. Since their son clearly took after him on the outside with his dark hair and olive skin, maybe he’d be like his mother on the inside. He hoped so, because he’d always considered Deet’s kind, gentle spirit to be one of her best qualities...one of the key ones that had made him fall in love with her actually. Yes, it would be a blessing if their son took after her rather than him. He didn’t know what Deet has been like as a childling, but he couldn’t imagine that she was anything other than sweet and angelic-same as he’d always known her to be. He’d have to ask one of her fathers about it the next time he saw them. Maybe they’d even have some advice for him about how soothe a fussy childling too...or even how to go about raising one properly.

Rian swallowed hard. Would his own father have any advice for him if he were here now? ...And if he did, would he even want to take it? Rian didn't hold any resentment towards his father for the way he’d been raised: he’d long since made peace with that. He knew that his father was only doing what he thought best by raising him as soldier first and a son second, but... Rian had privately decided that he wanted to be a different sort of father to his own son.

For starters, If Rian could help it then he never wanted Jen to so much as touch a sword, much less have to use one in combat. He wanted his son to grow up in a different Thra than the one he’d been raised in. A Thra that was safe and whole, free from the evils that had lorded over all gelfling for far too long. And Thra knew Rian was doing his best to make it a reality-they all were... But, Rian supposed, he would have to teach Jen a few things when he was old enough. Try as they might, there would always be dangers in the world, and Jen should know how to defend himself from them if he had to-though Rian hoped with all his soul that he never would. Who knew though, maybe Jen would end up having a talent for swordplay like his grandfather before him...

Rian wondered what his father would say if he could see him now: wandering the house in the wee-hours of the morning, barefoot and half-asleep with a wailing newborn draped over his shoulder. Rian smirked to himself. He’d probably do a double take, shocked that his son had ever actually settled down enough to have a family. But after that...would he be proud? Proud of his son? proud of his grandson? He’d never really been the type to express such emotions freely. Rian always had to work hard to see even a glimpse of that expression in his father’s stony eyes. Again, this was something that Rian had decided he would do differently. Jen was never going to have to work to earn his father's pride. He would know that it was his simply because he was his father's son...and Rian resolved that Jen would never doubt that his father loved him either. Jen would grow up knowing he was loved like he would grow to know the beating heart of Thra itself: constant and unwavering ...even if his father was hopelessly inept at what he was doing, because Jen was still crying his little head off and showed no signs of stopping.

Rian began to feel a growing sense of desperation and decided that it was time to try a change in approach. This clearly wasn't working. Rian peeled his son from his shoulder and sat down in a chair with him. He held Jen on his back and tried bouncing him up and down on his knees, to calm him, "ssshhhh...Ssshhhhhh...come on son, Work with me here." He sighed and hung his head as Jen kept right on crying, "I wish you could just tell me what is it you want from me..." Rian rolled his head back to look at the ceiling, shuffling through every piece of parenting advice he’d ever heard or read for something that might help now.

A vague flicker of an idea began to glow in the back of Rian's mind, growing steadily stronger as he started to speak, “Maybe...you'd like a story?” After all, he and Deet had named their son after Jarra-Jen, the Stonewood hero whose adventures had colored Rian’s own childhood. And even if Jen was too young to understand stories, he might be soothed by soft words anyways, “I remember when I woke up with nightmares as a childling, my father-your grandfather that is, used to tell me stories..." Rian smiled softly as the memory of simpler times washed over him.

"I remember I used to run into his room at night crying. I told him that there were monsters in my room and I begged him to let me stay in the bed with him... but he wouldn't hear of it. He would turn me around and make me march straight back to my own bed like a good little soldier...He told me that I couldn't spend my whole life running away from monsters, because he wouldn't always be there to chase them away...so he told me stories of the old heroes to try and encourage me to stand on my own. He told me that I would have to learn how to face them myself... that I would have to be brave...."

Rian's mind clouded over at that. "Be brave" were his father's final words to him before he died too...Rian felt his throat starting to tighten and he lowered his tone before he went on, "...I don't feel very brave now though. I’m putting on a brave face for everyone yeah, but the truth is...I’m scared.” The confession fell out of his mouth like a stone, and the weight of his words hung heavy in the air. Rian took a deep breath, trying to steel himself before he went on, “Look, this whole ‘parenthood’ business is new to me. I want to be a good father to you Jen, and I'm trying -I really am trying but...I don’t know what I’m doing! It isn't as if I've had any practice before you. ..I feel like I've been thrown headfirst into rapids, and I'm having to learn how to swim as I go...And it’s terrifying."

He didn’t know why he was saying all this. It wasn’t as if Jen could even understand him...and it was probably better that he couldn't. Just what would he think of his father breaking down and pouring out his insecurities like this? He glanced down at his son in his lap, tiny fists curled into balls and face stained with tears. Rian smirked softly to himself. Thra, he loved him. It was an entirely distinct kind of love than that he’d felt for his father or his friends, or even for Deet. A love so great and vast that the depths of it were almost frightening. He had never known that he was capable of such love until the night that Jen was born. Rian remembered back to how his own father had died for him, how he’d dove headfirst into a pit of gobbles along with the hunter just to keep him safe. Rian had thought he knew why his father had done that before, but only once he became a father himself did he truly understand why. One look at his own son’s face and he knew: he’d do the exact same for Jen without hesitation. He’d go to the ends of Thra or beyond for his son. There was truly nothing he wasn’t willing to do to keep him safe: even if it cost him his own life, he’d lay it down without so much as a second thought.

Rian smiled softly to himself. Maybe...that was enough. He bounced his son a little more on his knee and started talking again with a note of hope in his voice, “Maybe... I haven't found my way yet...but I’ll get there eventually. Because...I’d do anything for you-I hope you know that. You'll just have to be patient with your old man until then..." Rian paused before hastily adding, "...and brave. We'll both have to be brave."

As he finished speaking, Rian felt his fresh resolve to be brave reinvigorate him. He would find his way as a father. He knew he would. Because he had to, for his son's sake... Presently, Rian became aware that his ears were no longer ringing with the cries of an infant. His eyes darted down to Jen in his arms and he saw that his son had indeed stopped crying. Jen's squirming was slowing down too and he raised a clenched fist to his eyes as he let out a little yawn.

"Yes! Yes, that's it...good boy..." Rian sprang up in his chair, fighting his excitement to keep his voice low and steady. He lifted Jen up to press him up against his chest, rubbing soothing little circles into his back, and slowly rocking back and forth in his seat as he encouraged his son to drift into sleep. After a few minutes of these ministrations, a soft little snore from Jen confirmed that his efforts had been successful. Rian let out a deep huff of air and melted back into his chair. He did it. Somehow he actually did it. Thank Thra, Rian let out a silent prayer of gratitude. He lolled his head back to rest on the top of his chair, letting his eyes roam over the ceiling as a faint chuckle of relief escaped his lips. Maybe he wasn't as bad at this fatherhood business as he thought...He rubbed his hands slowly over Jen's back and let out a yawn of his own. He really should take Jen back to his bassinet and slip back into the bed himself...but the bedroom was so far away, and this chair was actually rather comfortable, and Jen's body was so warm on his chest that he was practically a hot brick...

Rian yawned again, deeper and slower this time. His eyelids grew heavier and heavier, beginning to shut themselves almost of their own accord. As the void of sleep began to close in on him, Rian had an odd reassurance stirring around in the back of his conscious mind: the reassurance that if his father could indeed see him now, he would be smiling.

* * *

When Deet awoke that morning, it was to the chirping of birds and to the first rays of morning sunshine shining on her face rather than a crying infant. The first of it's kind she'd had since Jen was born. She sat up in bed and stretched, basking in the soft light. She couldn’t have had more than a couple of hours of sleep, but it had been so long since she'd slept well for any stretch of time that she felt rested just the same. She had a brief moment of panic when she glanced over at the bassinet and saw that her son was missing, but it vanished when she realized that her husband was also missing and she remembered that Rian had taken him on a walkabout the night before. She rose from bed tiptoed into the living room. She rounded the corner and smiled, stifling a squeal in her throat at the cuteness of the sight she beheld. Rian lay sprawled out in a chair; his head lolled back on the backrest and mouth agape. Jen was snuggled on top of his father's chest as Rian held him between both hands. They were both fast asleep, and each time Rian took in a breath, Jen rose and fell like waves on the water with the rhythmic motions of Rian's chest.

Deet giggled to herself as she approached the two of them, softly so as not to wake them. She gave Jen's head an affectionate stroke before she turning her attentions to Rian; her wonderful, amazing Rian. He was always so hardworking and devoted to her and Jen... She pressed a deep kiss to his cheek in gratitude before fetching a blanket to tuck over them both. How lucky she was to have Rian as a husband! He always knew just how to calm down their son. He was such a natural as a father...

**Author's Note:**

> C&C is welcome and appreciated. thank you friends. <3


End file.
